The Weight Watchers office was closed for Memorial Day, so I went in to do a weigh-in today during my lunch break. Here are the numbers:
Weight: 157 pounds
Pounds lost this week: -.2
Total pounds lost: 5 pounds (I got a blue star!)
Pounds to lose: 37 pounds
So I decided to change up my number above, because I thought it would serve my own needs better. And well, as for your needs as a reader......I'm not sure? Anyway, I took off the "weeks to go" part, because the truth is, I don't have a deadline for this weight loss. I just want it to happen. I think if I put it into those kinds of terms, I may not be as successful. That is what happened to me in the past. I tried to hard to make myself fit into a certain structure, and as soon as I was out of that, I would quit altogether. I also decided to add the pounds lost per week number because that helps me to see how I am doing from one week to another.
This week, for example, I only went down .2 pounds. That is the least amount of weight I have lost in a week so far. But I went into the weigh in thinking I may have gained, so I am going to proudly display that as a loss.
I have started to formulate ideas on when and why I eat, and one of them I think is triggered by loneliness. There are times when I was a kid (middle school in particular) that I got home from school and I was all alone at home for a few hours before my dad got home from work. Sometimes my sister was there, but many of the times she had plans with her friends or school activities to do. One of my pitfalls during that time is that I would just eat anything in the cupboard, without any regard for what dinner might be. I think it was to provide me some kind of comfort. Not only was I bored, but I think I was lonely sometimes.
This pattern has not stopped in adulthood. There are sometimes when I am home alone because Jennings is out of town, or gone to see some friends, or any number of things, and I end up falling into that same cycle. I want to eat. Not out of hunger, not even totally boredom (though it is a small part of it) but out of loneliness. At first I always tell myself that I will enjoy a little time to myself. But after a while, I realize that it did not live up to what I thought it would be.
So with all of that personal info out there, I guess I just want to say that this journey is becoming about more than just weight loss, it's about changing behaviors and improving relationships.
Have you ever thought about why you eat?